


Memories

by Cielestine_de_Winter



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-29 12:49:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3896962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cielestine_de_Winter/pseuds/Cielestine_de_Winter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin didn't live to fulfill his destiny with Arthur.  When the wheel of fate gives them another chance, everyone but Merlin remembers and regrets.  Can they convince Merlin that things are different now?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories

Merlin was having a shit day. One of the waiters had accidently dumped a tray of drinks down his back, forcing him into buying another gaudy pub tee shirt so he could finish up his shift. The waiter offered to buy it for him, but Merlin knew the man was struggling to pay his tuition for the semester and couldn’t bring himself to accept his offer. Merlin waved him off and continued clearing tables at the crowded pub.

  
“Merlin!”

  
Merlin turned and saw a pretty girl staring at him. Her long blond hair was in a messy ponytail, her blue eyes wide and disbelieving. Merlin looked at her uncertain. “Can I help you?” he shouted over the din.

  
The strange girl shrieked and went to throw her arms around him, but tripped and fell into him instead. Merlin abruptly put down the dish bin and grabbed her. “Oh my god! Merlin! It’s so good to see you! How are you? We’ve looked for you for ages!”

  
“Um…” Merlin helped her stand. “Do I know you?”

  
The girl flashed a smile just as Merlin felt a hand on his shoulder. Merlin turned to see a tall ruggedly good looking man frowning at him. The man looked at Merlin for a second before his face broke out into a huge grin. “Merlin!” the man shouted, pulling Merlin into a hug.

  
Merlin stepped back when the man released him. “Errr…”

  
“Join us!” the man said clapping a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “God! We have so much to catch up on!”

  
“I’ve got to call the others!” the girl squealed.

  
“Yea!” the man grinned, pulling Merlin by the neck and giving him a quick kiss on the temple. “Tell them to come!” The girl dug into her purse for her phone. “Come on, mate!” the man said dragging Merlin to a booth. “I’ll buy!”

  
Merlin shook his head. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I know you.”

  
The man’s smile dimmed slightly. “Gwaine. I’m Gwaine. That’s Elena.” He squinted at Merlin. “You remember, from Camelot.”

  
Merlin shook his head. “Ah, no. I… um…”

  
“Merlin!” one of the waiters called to him, pointing to the dish bin on her table.

  
“Here I come,” Merlin shouted. He looked back at Gwaine. “Look, I’m sorry. You’ve got the wrong…”

  
“You work here?” Gwaine asked, surprised.

  
Merlin nodded, then shrugged at Gwaine before going over to retrieve the dish bin. Gwaine watched him before joining Elena at their booth. “Gwen and Lance are on their way!” Elena said loudly. “Morgana and Leon are in Paris getting ready for her show, but she said she’ll leave right after. Where’s Merlin? Isn’t he joining us?”

  
“He works here, love,” Gwaine said putting an arm over her shoulders. “The princess?”

  
Elena smiled. “He’s didn’t answer his phone. Morgana says he’s in America. She said she’ll get a hold of him. Can we stay?”

  
“Of course. Now that we’ve found him, we aren’t going to lose him again.”

 

  
Hours later Merlin’s arms and head ached. The pub was loud and crowded. And that strange couple kept staring at him from their booth.

  
“Merlin, mate,” the barman helped Merlin fill a bin with glasses. “My sister was hoping you could come by and help her with her maths again.”

  
Merlin made a face. “I thought she dropped that class.”

  
The barman shrugged. “She was going to, but after she aced that project with your help, she decided to keep at it. Hey, do you know those people?” he said inclining his head to the booth where Gwaine and Elena had been sitting. There was another couple sitting with them, all four staring at Merlin.

  
Merlin peeked over, there was something vaguely familiar about all four of the people. The other woman had beautiful mocha skin with brown curly hair and warm brown eyes. The man with her stood up and walked over to the bar. He was tall and good looking, with a stylish haircut and friendly eyes. Merlin wished he knew why they seemed so familiar, but judging on all of their trendy, expensive clothes, Merlin knew he didn’t travel anywhere near their social circle.

  
“Hey,” the man said to Merlin.

  
“Another round?” the barman asked.

  
The man nodded to the barman then turned back to Merlin. “My friends and I were wondering if you would join us when you go on break.”

  
“Ah, no breaks,” Merlin said uncomfortably.

  
“Well, maybe we can arrange to meet when you get off.”

  
“I… um…” Merlin looked around for help.

  
“Here are your drinks, mate,” the barman said pushing a tray of drinks to the man.

  
The man pulled out a few bills and put them on the counter. “Look, I’m Lance. I’m not a stalker or anything like that. My wife, Gwen, and my friends… You… remind us of a good friend. We only want to talk to you.”

  
“Yea, I… um, I’m Merlin.” Merlin picked up the bin. “Maybe I’ll stop by your table.”

  
“Please, do,” Lance said smiling. He picked up the tray for drinks and walked back to the booth. Merlin started walking toward the kitchen when he heard a shriek. He turned to the booth and saw the woman, Gwen, smiling brilliant at him. Merlin just shook his head and kept walking.

 

  
“Bloody hell, Merlin,” the manager of the pub said clapping Merlin on the back. “That posh table that’s been watching you all night have been dropping money like water. You should go over and talk to them.”

  
Merlin pulled out the tray of clean glasses. “Yea,” he said vaguely.

  
“No, seriously,” the man said leaning closer. “The tips they left at the bar are huge. I’ll let you go early so you can talk to them. Just bring them back some time, yea?”

  
Merlin wiped the sweat from his eyes. “Sure.”

  
The man smiled at him. “Go wash up, then talk to them.”

  
Merlin smiled nervously and nodded. He went to bathroom and washed his face. He looked in the mirror and frowned, wondering what he was getting himself into. It couldn’t hurt, right? He thought to himself, just talking to them, right? He stood up and walked out.

  
Merlin went to the bar and ordered a pint. The barman smiled and handed him one with a wink. Merlin rolled his eyes and turned. The booth of four were still watching him so he made his way over to them. “Hi.”

  
“Merlin, mate!” Gwaine shouted, having quite a bit to drink. He and Elena moved over. “Take a seat!”

  
“They let me go a little early so I could drop by,” Merlin said sitting down. “Gwen, right?” he said looking at the one person who hadn’t spoken to him yet.

  
“You remember me?” Gwen asked, excitedly.

  
Merlin shook his head. “No, sorry. I think you’ve got the wrong chap. Your husband told me your name.”

  
Lance put a comforting arm around Gwen’s shoulders. “Glad you could join us, mate.” He said.

  
“Tell us about yourself, Merlin,” Gwaine urged him.

  
“I’m a student at the uni,” Merlin shrugged. “Studying maths.”

  
“Maths, that doesn’t surprise me at all,” Gwaine laughed, and the others joined him. “Your mum good?”

  
Merlin blinked. “Uh, yea. She’s good.”

  
“Good!” Elena said. “We tried to find you and she through Gaius, but he didn’t know either of you.”

  
Merlin looked at her uncertain, but Gwen put a hand on his arm. “No matter, Merlin, we’ve found you now.”

  
“Yea,” Lance said earnestly. “Did you grew up around here?”

  
“No,” Merlin took another sip. “I grew up in a small town not far from here. How about you?”

  
The four smiled at him and launched into a long fragmented story that only partially made sense. Merlin listened closely, trying to find some connection to them but only drew a blank. They were lovely people though. Gwaine had an infectious sense of humor, when he wasn’t manhandling him. Elena was incredibly sweet, if a little clumsy. After knocking down her pint twice, Merlin learned to push her glass away from him. Gwen watched him closely, her eyes sometimes misting up as she looked at him. Lance smiled at him warmly and spoke with such an earnestness that Merlin found himself wanting to befriend him. In fact, as he finished his pint, he almost wished he was the person they thought he was.

  
“… but Morgana forbid him from ever getting a haircut with me again.” Gwaine laughed.

  
“Poor Leon, his hair is magnificent,” Elena said.

  
“Better than mine?” Gwaine teased tossing his brown locks.

  
Elena kissed him. “He’s a redhead, so… You know what I’m talking about, Gwen, right?” she giggled looking at Gwen

  
“Mmmmm,” Gwen hummed mischievously.

  
“Is there something we should worry about?” Lance asked.

  
“Not at all, heart,” Gwen smiled at him. “But you have to admit, Leon does have nice hair. Merlin, you’ll totally agree once you meet him.”

  
Merlin just smiled.

  
“I know, why don’t you come for dinner tomorrow?” Lance suggested.

  
“That’s a great idea! Leon and Morgana won’t be back from Paris, but it wouldn’t hurt to spend some time together!” Elena enthused.

  
“We’ll host,” Gwen offered. “We’ll get some pasta and…”

  
“We have some wines that we’ve been saving for a special occasion,” Gwaine leaned forward.

  
“Come over at 5,” Lance nodded.

  
“Great!” Elena’s eyes sparkled.

  
Merlin cleared his throat and stood up. “Well, it was nice meeting you.”

  
“You’ll come, right?” Gwen asked.

  
Merlin blinked in surprise. “Me?”

  
“Of course, you!” Gwaine laughed.

  
“Yes, Merlin, you’re the guest of honor!” Elena squealed. “You have to come!”

  
“I’m sorry, I have work,” Merlin said, feeling guilty at the sudden sad faces around the table.

  
“Well,” Lance said after a brief pause. “Maybe another time.”

  
“Look,” Gwaine pulled out his phone. “Let’s exchange numbers and…”

  
“That’s a great idea, love!” Elena, Gwen, and Lance pulled out their phones and looked at Merlin expectantly.

  
Merlin flushed and shook his head. “No phone,” he said holding his hands up. “Poor student, remember?”

  
“Merlin, how are we going to get in touch with you?” Gwen asked.

  
Merlin blinked in surprise. “You can always come back a see me. I usually work here on Fridays and Saturday nights.”

  
“Where are you working tomorrow?” Lance asked.

  
“I work the maths study labs on Sundays and during the week,” Merlin shrugged.

  
“Hey,” Gwen pulled out a business card. “Here’s my number. Call me. We’ll get coffees.”

  
Merlin took her card and looked at it. Head of Personnel, Pendragon Industries. Merlin slipped it in his pocket. “Sure.”

  
“Merlin, keep in touch.” Gwaine said standing up next to him. He pulled him into a quick hug. “I don’t have any of my cards, but I’m online. Gwaine Strathmore.”

  
“Yea, thanks.” Merlin smile. “’night.”

  
As he walked out the door, he was positive he would never see them again.

 

 

  
Merlin’s screams woke him. He sat up in bed, shaking and sobbing, terror making his fingertips tingle. His bedroom door quickly opened. “I’m here, Merls,” Will said, sleepily. He climbed in Merlin’s bed and wrapped his arms around his shaking friend. “Lie back down. It was only a dream.” Merlin clutched at him. “Shh,” Will soothed.

  
It took several long minutes before Merlin’s trembling subsided. Merlin impatiently wiped the tears from his face. “Sorry,” he croaked.

  
Will gave a gentle laugh. “No worries, Merls.” He ran his hand soothingly through Merlin’s hair for a few minutes. “That was a bad one, huh?” he asked. “Do you remember any of this one?”

  
Merlin shook his head.

  
Will hugged him closer. “Do you want me to get one of your pills?” he offered referring to the prescription strength sleep aids Merlin’s psychiatrist has prescribed for him.

  
“No,” Merlin shivered. “I can’t wake up when I take one,” he reminded his friend.

  
“You need to sleep a little more. Can you do that?”

  
Merlin forced himself to relax against Will. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again.

  
“Maybe you should think about that hypnotherapy your mother was talking about when we visited her last.”

  
Merlin shook his head. “There’s a reason I don’t remember them, Will. Maybe I’m not supposed to.”

  
“But if we find out they’re because of Valiant or Edwin or Aredian, we can go back and get closure,” Will argued naming the men who had tormented Merlin while growing up.

  
At the list of names, Merlin pulled away from Will. “Seeing them again will not bring me closure,” Merlin said flatly. He shook off Will’s arms and sat up. “I have some work I can be doing.”

  
“Merls,” Will complained.

  
“Stay and go back to sleep,” Merlin said climbing out of bed. “If I get sleepy I’ll come back.” He slipped out of his room before Will could say anything else and walked into their tiny living room. He sat in the darkness for a few minutes before switching on a light and opening his notebook.

 

 

  
“… you’re close, Lydia,” Merlin said reviewing the pretty student’s work. “But you need to use this factor in your equations. Like that.”

  
“How am I supposed to remember that?” Lydia complained.

  
“All problems with that variable need to have that factored in,” Merlin reminded her gently. The sound of someone clearing her throat caused him to look up. Standing in the doorway of his closet sized office was one of the most remarkably beautiful women he had ever seen. Long glossy black hair framed a beautiful pale face. Strange, colorless eyes seems to drink him in. Merlin felt a slight shock of recognition, but it quickly slipped away before he could grab onto it.

  
“Oh my god!” Lydia squealed. “You’re Morgana Le Fay.” She turned to look at Merlin’s blank face. “The most important designer ever!” she said to Merlin. Turning back to Morgana, she fluttered with excitement. “My friends and I watched your show on youtube this weekend! Your clothes are so beautiful!”

  
Morgana smiled. “Thank you. Can I borrow Mr. Emrys?”

  
Lydia fell over herself gathering her things. “Of course, of course! Oh my god, my friends will never believe I met you!”

  
Morgana glanced at her before turning her attention to Merlin. “Hello, Merlin.”

  
Lydia looked from Morgana to Merlin and quickly left the office.

  
“Um, hello,“ Merlin looked at her confused. “Can I help you?”

  
Morgana sat down in the chair Lydia vacated. “Yes, you can have dinner with me,” she answered with a warm smile.

  
“Ah, do I know you?” Merlin asked.

  
Morgana leaned forward. “I want you to know me. Uther, my father and I, are very interested in making your acquaintance. I wanted to have dinner with you by myself first, but once Uther heard that you were found, he insisted on coming. I’m afraid you’ll have to put up with him tonight as well.” She reached out and put a hand on Merlin’s arm. “Merlin, he’s so excited to see you. He wanted to come here himself, but Leon, Lance, and I were able to talk him out of it. He’s a little… intense.”

  
“Oh, you’re the Morgana, Gwaine, Elena, Gwen, and Lance were talking about,” Merlin said suddenly remembering the strange people he had met the previous Saturday night. “They said that you were in Paris.”

  
“Yes, I would have come sooner, but my show lasted until yesterday,” she smiled. “Come on, I have a car waiting that will take us to the Blackstone,” she said casually mentioning the most expensive and exclusive restaurant in the city.

  
Merlin looked down at his faded jeans and this threadbare flannel. He knew that his sleepless nights had made him more pale than normal and the bags under his eyes were now as large as suitcases. “I’m hardly dressed for…”

  
Morgana laughed. “Merlin, Uther reserved a private dining room. You could be dressed in a pink taffeta gown with rainbow ribbons in your hair and no one would care.” Merlin gave a slight smile. “Come on.”

  
Merlin hesitated for a minute longer, but then packed up his belongings and followed her.

  
The car Morgana mentioned was an opulent Rolls Royce. Merlin stumbled slightly when her saw the chauffer driven car. “Um, are you sure I won’t get your car dirty?” he asked hesitantly.

  
Morgana took him by the arm and laughed. “Of course not, Merlin!” The chauffer quickly opened the door for them. Merlin let Morgana slip in first, then followed her. The inside of the car was much more posh then he had even imagined. Morgana took in his expression. “Do you want a drink?” she offered.

  
Merlin shook his head with a smile. “Something tells me I’ll need all my wits about me for this dinner.”

  
“You survived a night with Gwaine and Elena, you’ll be a lot less in danger of getting physically molested or spilled on.”

  
Merlin laughed. “They were a little overwhelming.”

  
Morgana smiled. “Gwaine is an artist and Elena’s his muse. They both sometimes lack basic understanding of personal boundaries.”

  
“They were lovely,” Merlin said quietly.

  
Morgana laughed. “Of course they are. Gwen and Lance are lovely as well. Gwen called me that night on her way home to tell me about you. She’s been dying for you to call her for that coffee. You should consider it.”

  
“I wasn’t sure if she meant it,” Merlin shrugged.

  
Morgana took one of Merlin’s hands into hers and held it. “Merlin, believe me. You are very precious to her. You are precious to all of us.”

  
“But I don’t know any of you,” Merlin protested.

  
“I doesn’t matter. You know us now.”

 

  
Merlin felt completely out of place as the doorman opened the door to the Blackstone for him and Morgana. Morgana took his arm and led him through the grand dining room. Merlin could feel all eyes on them as the diners stopped to look at them. Morgana never wavered. Merlin couldn’t tell if she didn’t notice or if she was so used to it that it no longer affected her. Merlin had a second of relief when they entered the private dining room, but then paled when he caught sight of the Uther.

  
Uther turned out to be Uther Pendragon. The most wealth business man in all of Europe. Merlin wasn’t so oblivious that he didn’t recognize the man’s stern face. Merlin’s mouth went dry and another fission on recognition hit him before fluttering away.

  
“Merlin!” Uther Pendragon stood up and quickly stepped around the table, holding out his hands to take Merlin’s. “When my daughter told me you were found I could scarcely believe it.” He graciously motioned to a chair that the maître d’ pulled out for Merlin. Merlin practically fell into the chair, his legs weak and pulse racing. Uther and Morgana sat down at the table. “Gwen tells me you study maths at the university,” Uther said enthusiastically. “She neglected to mention that you were studying for your doctorate. I’m told that your mentor, Dr. Kilgharrah is quite well known in his field.”

  
Merlin’s panic stopped when he had a sudden epiphany. Uther Pendragon was nervous. Nervous about meeting him. Merlin cleared his throat. “Yes,” he said taking confidence from Uther’s apparent nervousness. “I’m lucky to study with him.”

  
“Luck? Nonsense!” Uther dismissed. “I am told that you are quite accomplished in your own right. You’ve co authored a number of papers with him and other well know mathematicians. That’s quite an accomplishment for someone your age. Do you enjoy the work?”

  
Merlin flushed at Uther’s praise and started telling Uther about his work. Quick glances at Morgana showed that she was also listening to him closely. Merlin was confused but secretly pleased at how interested they were in him.

  
A waiter presented them with menus. Merlin stared blankly at the French writing. There were no prices on the menu. Absently he remembered what Will had told him- if you have to ask the price, you probably can’t afford it.

  
“I suggest the duck,” Morgana said after a short time. “It’s delicious.”

  
Merlin looked at the menu for some indication of what Morgana suggested, but drew a blank.

  
“The duck? No, here, let me.” Uther turned to the waiter and started speaking in flawless French. The waiter nodded and walked out of the room. Uther turned back to Merlin. “The Blackstone might be known for their duck, but their fillets are something to be experienced. You look like you could use a good meal. I hope that this is the first of many you’ll share with us.”

  
Merlin wasn’t sure if he should be flattered or offended, but he raised his wine glass, mirroring Uther.

  
“How is your mother, Merlin?” Uther asked. “Is she well?”

  
Merlin was caught again at how strange it was that someone asked about his mother and not his parents. It was almost as if they knew that his father had abandoned him and his mother before Merlin was born. “She is well.”

  
“Good, good. We will have to invite her to the house for a weekend soon. Gaius will be thrilled to see her.”

  
“Gaius?” Merlin asked, remembering the name from the other night.

  
Uther put down his glass and cleared his throat. “A dear, dear friend. I’m sure your mother and you will love him. Tell me about your youth. You didn’t grow up in the city, did you?”

  
“No, I grew up in a small town not far from the city,” Merlin offered. “I moved here to attend university.”

  
“Handpicked my Dr Kilgharrah,” Uther murmured.

  
“How did you know that?” Merlin asked, suddenly feeling less comfortable.

  
“I’m sorry, Merlin,” Uther apologized. “It was something I heard, is all.”

  
“Have you travelled, Merlin?” Morgana asked quickly, easing over Merlin’s discomfort.

  
Merlin smiled slightly. “I’ve been to Paris once. Dr. Kilgharrah and I presented a paper. Paris was… astounding.”

  
“You must let Arthur take you there again, then,” Morgana smiled. “It’s one of his favorite cities.”

  
“Arthur?” Merlin suddenly felt a spike of irrational fear shoot through him. He hid his shaking hands in his lap.

  
“Are you well?” Uther asked, “You’re as white as a sheet.”

  
“I’m fine,” Merlin said with a sick smile. Morgana and Uther exchanged a look.

  
“Arthur is my son,” Uther said slowly. The waiter returned with their first course. “He’s currently in America. He’ll be returning tomorrow.”

  
“He wanted to come sooner, but we thought it would be better for him to finish up his work now so there’d be no distractions later,” Morgana said spooning her soup.

  
“Distractions?” Merlin asked picking up his spoon. He willed his hand to stop shaking.

  
“My son is finalizing an acquisition of a company in America. The company designs software to predict instances of genetic birth defects,” Uther replied off handedly.

  
“Oh! What’s the name of the company? Dr. Kilgharrah and I worked with one this past year to test out their logarithms.”

  
Uther tilted his head. “The name of the company is Freya.”

  
“That’s the company we worked with,” Merlin smiled, suddenly feeling a little better. “Mr. Leftbright was very kind to my mentor and I while we worked on his project.”

  
“Did you know his company is named after his daughter?” Uther asked.

  
Merlin nodded. “We met her once, before she passed away. She was very lovely.”

  
“When it was discovered that she had that genetic anomaly, Ryan Leftbright devoted all his time to its study. Quite admirable.” Uther said approvingly. “His company can now test parents and give a statistically accurate read on the probably of their offspring having any number of genetic birth defects. It was his goal that once he was able to predict the probability, he’d be able to work on how to identify and correct the defects before they could bring the child to harm.” Uther smiled. “But you knew that already, didn’t you?”

  
Merlin nodded. “His passion was what attracted Dr. Kilgharrah and I in the first place. We were sorry to hear of his accident.”

  
Uther nodded. “But his work will continue. Arthur will see to it.” He put his spoon down. “I hadn’t known you worked on the project. Tell me about it?”

  
Merlin once again was struck at how interested both Morgana and Uther were in him. He spoke about the project, and then later after being prodded by Morgana, he spoke about his hobbies and interests. Dinner was brought out and was as delicious as Uther had promised. Uther and Morgana had a wicked sense of humor and found himself at ease by the end of dinner.

  
“Coffee?” Uther asked.

  
Merlin shook his head. “I couldn’t possibly.” He judged that it was late, but didn’t have a watch or phone to confirm his thoughts. “I really must be going.”

  
Uther nodded. “Let us give you a ride home.” He signed the bill with a flourish and stood.

  
“That’s not necessary,” Merlin demurred standing.

  
“It’s late and you’ll never get a taxi,” Morgana pointed out taking his arm.

  
Merlin didn’t think it would be appropriate to mention that he wouldn’t be able to afford the taxi. “If it’s not too much trouble then.”

  
Uther smiled at him. “It’s not trouble at all, Merlin. In fact, I would like to talk to you about dinner this Friday. Arthur will be home. He would love to see you.”

  
Merlin shook his head, trying to shake of the wave of unease that stole his breath. “I’m sorry, I have to work.”

  
“Hm,” Uther’s smile dimmed slightly as his chauffer opened the door for him. He sat across from Merlin and Morgana, looking at him thoughtfully. “Yes, the pub. If you give me your number I’ll have Gwen give you a call regarding a more suitable job. You should be enjoying yourself instead of working so hard.”

  
“Thank you, but I couldn’t possibly…”

  
“You also work at a bookstore and as a teaching associate at the university, don’t you?” Uther said mildly. “Working three jobs could hardly give you the time you need to finish your studies.”

  
“Uther,” Morgana said warningly.

  
Uther shrugged and looked out the window. “I don’t think I’ve ever been to this neighborhood.” He remarked lightly.

  
Merlin looked out the window and realized they were only a few blocks away from his apartment. “How did you know where I lived?” he asked, unease flaring up again.

  
“Uther is a major donor to your university,” Morgana said soothingly. “It wasn’t too hard to get your address from the president.”

  
Merlin opened his mouth to say something when Uther leaned forward. “Merlin, is it safe here for you in this neighborhood? We can move you to a different apartment in a safer neighborhood next to your university, if you would like.”

  
“No, no,” Merlin shook his head. “I’m fine. Really. Thank you.”

  
The car pulled up in front of Merlin’s building. “I had a lovely time,” Merlin said awkwardly.

  
“You’ll join us again soon, Merlin,” Uther half commanded, half entreated. “And please consider speaking with Gwen Du Lac. At least let her tell you about Pendragon Industries.”

  
Merlin nodded and was pulled into a hug by Morgana. “Thank you for coming out with us tonight. I’ll see you again soon.”

  
Merlin nodded and climbed out of the car. The chauffer nodded to him before closing the door behind him. He stood in attention as Merlin awkwardly waved before turning to his building. He climbed up the rickety stairs to his apartment.

  
Merlin almost dropped his keys when the door swung open. “Where have you been?” Will demanded. “Do you know what time it is?”

  
Merlin walked in his apartment. “I think I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole,” he said to his best friend and then proceeded to tell Will all about his very bizarre night.

  
Will had a strange expression on his face as Merlin told him about Morgana and Uther. “What?” Merlin asked finally.

  
“The Pendragons, huh?” Will said grudgingly. “I don’t like it.”

  
Merlin smiled. “They were perfectly lovely. And I think Uther offered me a job.”

  
“Don’t take it,” Will said quickly.

  
“I wasn’t going to,” Merlin laughed.

  
“No, Merlin,” Will crossed his arms in front of him. “Don’t talk to them again. They’re up to something, and I doubt it’s anything good. Did they mention Arthur?”

  
Merlin blinked. “Arthur? How do you know about Arthur?”

  
Will stood up and walked into the kitchen. Merlin followed him. “They’re the Pendragons, everyone knows about Arthur,” Will said pouring himself a shot of cheap whiskey. He drank it quickly.

  
“I didn’t know about Arthur,” Merlin said uneasily. “What does everyone know about Arthur?”

  
Will poured himself another shot and downed it just as quickly. “That he’s dangerous. That entire family and everyone associated with them are dangerous.”

  
“I hardly think those people I met last Saturday are dangerous,” Merlin scoffed.

  
Will turned on him and grabbed him by the arms. “Merlin, I’ve known you since we could walk. I know you better than anyone besides your mother. Trust me on this. Don’t talk to them again.”

  
Merlin shook Will’s hands off him. “What is it, Will?”

  
“After school tomorrow, let’s visit your mother,” Will said, changing the topic.

  
“Will, you know I have school and work.”

  
“You work too hard.” Will argued. “Call in sick.”

  
“I can’t do that!”

  
“Merlin.” Will stared at Merlin for a long minute before turning away. “Please promise me that you won’t talk to any of them without me.”

  
“Will,” Merlin laughed uneasily. “What are you afraid of?”

  
“I’m afraid of you getting hurt again,” Will snapped.

  
Merlin flinched back.

  
“I’m sorry,” Will said immediately. “That was a shitty thing to say.”

  
“No, it’s okay,” Merlin said softly. “It’s not like I have a good track record with strangers.” He turned and walked out of the kitchen.

  
Will followed him. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I just…”

  
“You’re just looking out for me,” Merlin gave him a sick smile. “I’m tired. I’m going to try to sleep.”

  
“Do you want me to sleep in your room tonight?” Will offered.

  
Merlin shook his head and went to his bedroom.

 

  
That night, Will held Merlin tightly and said nothing after his nightmares reduced him to terrified sobs.

 

  
Merlin was busy restocking the shelves of notepaper when he felt the oddest sensation of being watched. He turned and came face to face with the most handsome man he had ever seen. Gold hair shone brightly under the lights of the bookstore. The man’s lightly tanned skin and brilliant blue eyes seemed to glow. Merlin’s pulse raced as a terrifying wave of familyrity crashed down on him. Merlin scrambled to get away from the man as he gasped for breath.

  
The man stepped forward, his hand held out toward Merlin. Merlin’s vision grew dim and over the roar in his ears, he could just barely hear someone close to them speaking. Cold sweat ran down his back.

  
“Arthur, they said he…” another beautiful man with curling red locks and warm blue eyes stopped at the sight of them.

  
“I found him,” the man, Arthur said in a husky voice, never tearing his eyes away from Merlin.

  
At the sound of Arthur’s voice, Merlin’s stomach cramped causing him to curl in on himself. Just as he felt a light brush on his shoulder, his world went black.

 

  
Merlin woke slowly to a steady beeping. He blinked lazily at the unfamiliar ceiling above him.

  
“Merls?” Will called from the bedside chair. “How’re you feeling?”

  
“Where am I?” Merlin asked, his voice was hoarse and dry.

  
Will stood up and poured Merlin a drink of water. Carefully he brought the plastic cup to his lips and let Merlin drink. “You’re at A&E,” Will answered putting the cup down. “What do you remember?”

  
“I was at the bookstore,” Merlin frowned. “I was refilling the notepaper.”

  
Will smoothed out Merlin’s hair. “That was two days ago. You blacked out.”

  
Merlin started to sit up and Will helped him. Merlin looked around his room and saw the bright bouquets of flowers covering ever surface of the room. “What’s all this?” he asked.

  
“They’re from your admirers,” Will said sourly. “Prince Prat tried to get in to see you, but as that I’m your emergency contact, they wouldn’t let him in.”

  
“Whose Prince Prat?” Merlin asked.

  
Will looked away from Merlin. “Arthur Pendragon.”

  
Merlin felt a surge of panic at the name, setting off the alarm from the machine monitoring his heart rate.

  
“Shhh,” Will soothed. “He’s not here. He can’t come here, no matter how much money he’s donated to this hospital. You’re safe. I won’t let him near you.”

  
“What?” Merlin asked, suddenly exhausted. Will eased him back down and pulled up the blankets. The door swung open and a nurse rushed in. Will stepped back as the nurse clucked at Merlin and checked his vitals. When she left Will stepped back to Merlin and took his hand. “Why am I so tired if I slept for two days?”

  
“They had to sedate you,” Will informed him. “Your nightmares…”

  
Merlin flushed and closed his eyes. “When can I get out of here?”

  
“Merls,” Will’s voice made Merlin open his eyes. “Merlin, look, things have to change, but I’ll take care of you. I’ll get another job and we’ll start cooking for ourselves more.”

  
“What is it?” Merlin asked.

  
“The doctor says that you’re exhausted and considerably under weight,” Will said quietly. “I explained about your nightmares and… Look, I’ll make this right.”

  
“Will, you already work two jobs.”

  
“I’ll find better paying jobs,” Will promised. “I’ll do the shopping. You just have to eat, yea? And you’ll have to start taking the sleeping pills the doctor prescribed. Look, I’ll take care of you. I promise. Merlin, we’ll get through this.”

  
“You can let me help you,” a voice called from the doorway.

  
Will’s head snapped up. “You can’t be here,” he snarled.

  
Merlin caught sight of the blond who proceeded to walk into the room. Terror seized him and the heart monitor went crazy. “Get out!” Will shouted at the stranger and then pet Merlin’s hair. “Relax, Merls,” he said desperately.

  
“What’s going on?” the blond exclaimed as Merlin started gasping for breath. The nurse and a doctor pushed him and Will aside as they quickly responded to Merlin’s panic attack.

  
“You have to leave,” the nurse said pushing Will and Arthur out the door. She shut the door on their faces.

  
Will stared at the door for a moment before putting his hands in his pockets and turning away.

  
“Wait, what’s…” the blond grabbed his arm.

  
“Look, prat,” Will spat. “Leave him alone. Didn’t you do enough damage last time?”

  
The blond paled. “You remember.”

  
Will jerked his arm out of Arthur’s grip. “Of course I remember, your highness,” he growled.

  
“Does Merlin?” Arthur asked urgently.

  
“No, he doesn’t, so leave him alone! He doesn’t need you. He’s better without…”

  
“You call that better?” Arthur said motioning to the door. “I heard what the doctor said just as you did. He’s undernourished and exhausted! He needs someone to take care of him.”

  
“Like you did before?”

  
Arthur flinched but stood his ground. “Like you’re doing now?”

  
Will’s fist crashed against Arthur’s cheekbone, turning his head. Before Arthur could raise his fist his arms were pulled back. “Woah, now Princess,” Gwaine murmured.

  
Leon pulled Will away from Arthur and Lance stood between them.

  
“Calm down, this isn’t going to help Merlin,” Gwen said, her hands fluttering.

  
“You can help by leaving him alone!” Will snarled pulling his arms from Leon’s grip.

  
“Will, we made mistakes last time,” Gwen said, trying to sooth him. “But it’s different now, it’s…”

  
“You made mistakes?” Will glared at her. “He’s had nightmares since he was a baby! He can’t sleep two nights in a row because of your mistakes.”

  
“You don’t know what happened,” Arthur hissed. “You don’t know what it was like.”

  
“I don’t need to know what it was like! I know what he’s like now. He’s just a shadow of what he was before! Whatever mistakes you made obviously stayed with him.” Will turned as Merlin’s door opened.

  
The nurse and doctor walked out. “He’s sedated,” the doctor announced. “If you would like to sit with him,” he said to Will. Will nodded and walked back into the room without turning back to the others. Arthur’s shoulders slumped as the door closed with a soft click.

 

 

  
“Arthur.”

  
Arthur looked up and noticed it was dark in his apartment. There was a click and light flooded the room. Uther stood at the doorway, his hand still on the light switch.

  
“He went home from the hospital yesterday,” Arthur said in a dead voice.

  
Uther picked up his briefcase and sat down on Arthur’s couch. He opened the briefcase and pulled out a thick file. He put the file on the table then stood and poured himself and Arthur a drink. “His life has been more difficult then I had previously imagined. It’s no wonder his friend is so protective.”

  
Arthur accepted the glass with a questioning look.

  
Uther motioned to the file on the table. “I’ve confirmed that he’s been receiving treatment for his nightmares and panic attacks from a very young age. I’ve also received reports that certain men from Camelot have caused him significant issues in this life.”

  
“Who?” Arthur said opening the file.

  
“Valiant. Edwin, you servant,” Uther took a drink. “There might have been others. Valiant was a bully in this life just as he was in the last, Edwin a worm that befriended him and tore him down.”

  
“It says here Valiant sent Merlin to the hospital a number of times before his mother was able to press charges.”

  
Uther shrugged. “Keep reading.”

  
Merlin’s life was typed neatly on the crisp white pages of the professional report from Uther’s investigators. Arthur felt sick as he flipped though hospital and counselor records. He paused when he recognized another name. “Acedian?”

  
Uther looked out the window. “Read the report.”

  
Arthur started scanning the report, then stopped and started reading it more carefully. Acedian had moved next door to Merlin’s home when he was 15 and Valiant’s bullying had been at its worst. With Merlin’s hospital bills from Valiant’s attacks growing, Merlin’s mother had taken another job in the evenings leaving Merlin to be tended to by their ‘kindly’ neighbor, Acedian. For months Acedian watched Merlin until one night Merlin was picked up by the police, naked and bloody walking along the side of the road. The actual police report was vague, but a rape investigation was started then abruptly ended when Merlin’s mother had been struck down by a speeding car the day after Merlin’s release from the hospital. A follow up report noted that Acedian seemed to disappear the next day with no trace of a forwarding address. The investigator’s comments indicated that the police were of the opinion that Acedian was to blame, not only for Merlin’s attack, but also for the car that struck Hunith down.

  
Arthur paled as he read how Hunith’s injuries robbed her of her ability to walk. She lost both of her jobs and became sickly in a very short period of time. Merlin started working at a local restaurant to support himself and his mother.

  
“Where is Hunith now?” Arthur asked paging through the reports quickly.

  
“She’s at an assisted living home outside of Essex,” Uther answered, still looking out the window. “Dr. Kilgharrah was able to procure a full scholarship for Merlin, but Merlin still needs to work three jobs to pay for her care.”

  
“That ends now,” Arthur said flatly.

  
Uther nodded. “I’ve arranged that she be moved closer to the city. Merlin will be able to visit her more often now that she’s closer. His schooling is paid for but I’ve spoken to Gwen about approaching him with a job offer. As I mentioned before, he and Dr. Kilgharrah had originally worked with Leftbright and Freya in developing the formulas that make that program work.”

  
“I should speak with him.”

  
“Do you think that is wise? He doesn’t seem to remember us.”

  
“He doesn’t, but Will does. If I could just convince Will…”

  
“Arthur, the bruise on your cheek tells me that you are the last person Will will speak with. Perhaps Morgana.”

  
Arthur bit his lip. “No, Gwen. When we were in Ealdor, he got a long much better with Gwen.”

  
Uther nodded. “Then call her. Maybe she’ll have luck where we do not.”

 

 

  
Gwen knocked on Merlin’s and Will’s apartment door holding flowers and a large grocery bag. The door opened and Will glared at her. “Gwen.”

  
“Will,” Gwen gave a nervous smile. “I wasn’t sure how set you were with food, so I thought I would come by and bring you both some dinner. Not that you wouldn’t be capable of cooking or shopping for yourselves. I just thought that you might be busy with everything that’s going on and the doctor said that it was important for Merlin to eat better, and I’m sure you…”

  
“Will, who is it?” Merlin called from inside the apartment.

  
Will sighed. “Come in,” he said stepping aside.

  
Gwen smiled at him and walked into the apartment. Merlin was sitting on the couch wrapped up in a threadbare blanket with his notebooks open in front of him. He was holding a mechanical pencil in his right hand and paging through his notes with his other when he looked up and saw Gwen. “Ah, hello,” he said, surprised.

  
“Oh, don’t get up!” Gwen said putting the grocery bag on the floor and going over and giving Merlin a kiss on the cheek. She handed him the flowers and waved for Will to sit down. “I’m only dropping by for a minute with some dinner. Lance is a fabulous cook and made us way too much chicken marsala for dinner last night. It’s delicious the next day.” She smiled brightly at Merlin before picking up the grocery bag and walking into their kitchen. There was the sound of cupboards opening and closing, then the faucet running.

  
Merlin looked at Will. Will shrugged. Gwen breezed back in holding a plastic water pitcher. She picked up the flowers and put them in the pitcher. “Pasta or rice. I have both,” she asked looking first at Merlin then at Will.

  
“Pasta,” Merlin said softly. “If it isn’t a problem.”

  
“No problem at all! Will?”

  
“Pasta. Chicken Marsala with rice is just wrong!” He said rolling his eyes.

  
“That’s what I say!” Gwen smiled going back into the kitchen. “But Lance wasn’t sure if either of you had something against whole wheat pasta.” She stuck her head out. “Neither of you are vegetarians, are you? I have veggie burgers just in case, but…”

  
“No, Merls and I are meat eaters,” Will said quickly.

  
“Good.” Gwen disappeared back into the kitchen.

  
“Will, what is she doing here?” Merlin whispered.

  
“Making us dinner apparently,” Will shrugged.

  
“I thought you didn’t want me to have anything to do with the Pendragons!”

  
“Do you really think I could stand in the way of that!” Will said gesturing to the kitchen. “Besides, she making us dinner.”

  
Merlin signed and rubbed his eyes.

  
“I brought wine.” Gwen called from the kitchen. “Lance sent me with a nice white and a red, just in case. Gwaine had me bring over a six pack as well. I also have some tea and coffee if you’re interested.”

  
Merlin shook off the blanket and walked into the kitchen. “Let me help.”

  
Gwen was heating the chicken in a fry pan that she had obviously brought with her. She looked at him and flashed another one of her smiles. “I’m just waiting for the water to boil,” she motioned to another pot that was on the stove. “Lance made the pasta fresh, so it will only take a minute. Do you want to get the drinks?”

  
“What would you like?” he asked.

  
“Oh, I’m not staying, I just wanted to pop by for a minute.” Gwen said quickly stirring the fry pan. “I don’t mean to intrude.”

  
“You’re not intruding,” Merlin protested. “You should stay.”

  
Gwen’s eyes misted up slightly as she looked at him. Merlin wondered if he said something wrong when Will stepped into the kitchen.

  
“Good lord! How did you fit everything in that bag?” Will exclaimed.

  
Merlin handed him a beer and put the others in the fridge. He grabbed three plates from a cupboard and put them on the stand.

  
Gwen threw the pasta in the boiling water. “Years of practice. Lance loves backpacking and picnics. He also loves food, so it was ether learn how to pack well or carry a million bags every time we went hiking.” She stirred the pasta. “There’s a salad in the bowl there,” she pointed to a blue plastic bowl. “It’s already dressed with a oil and vinaigrette. It’s wonderful, I promise.”

  
Merlin took down three bowls and opened the salad. He portioned out three servings and went to pull out the silverware as Gwen drained the pasta. A minute later the pasta and chicken were plated and she was reaching into the oven and pulling out a loaf of fresh garlic bread.

  
“Sitting in the living room, okay?” Merlin asked.

  
Will balanced a bowl of salad, his beer, the chicken marsala, and his silverware in his hands and he ducked into the living room. Merlin rolled his eyes and grabbed napkins for each of them. “Really, please join us.”

  
Gwen nodded and helped herself. As she walked into the living room Will was already eating and Merlin was folding the blanket over the couch. He cleared off his notebooks and motioned for her to sit. “What would you like to drink?” he asked.

  
“Just water,” she said sitting down. Merlin walked into the kitchen. “This is okay, right?” she whispered to Will.

  
Will just shrugged and Merlin soon joined them. “This is really fantastic.” Merlin exclaimed after a few mouthfuls.

  
“I keep telling Lance he should open a restaurant. I’m sure he would be a success!” Gwen said happily.

  
“How did you and Lance meet?” Merlin asked curiously.

  
Gwen took a sip of her water then put her glass down. “He was president of a student activist group at the college we attended. He was a third year in my first and was so gallant.” Gwen smiled at the memory.

  
“He was your white knight, saving you from all sorts of trouble,” Merlin said distantly, his eyes unfocused.

  
Gwen glanced at Will. Will put his beer down and looked at Merlin intently.

  
Merlin shook himself and continued eating as though he hadn’t said anything. “I know you’re head of personnel at Pendragon Industries, but what does Lance do?” he asked.

  
“He’s the vice president of global sustainability,” Gwen answered proudly.

  
“So he’s still fighting for his causes.” Merlin smiled at her.

  
Gwen nodded, “He’s able to do so much working for PI! He’s reduced our carbon footprint by 40% in the last 4 years alone. PI is the most green organization in our industries, and we’ve increased environmental conservation giving by 150% since he started working for us.”

  
“Wow, that’s impressive.” Merlin laughed. “You never hear about that when you hear about Pendragon Industries.”

  
“With Arthur’s support, Lance has made being environmentally responsible part of our culture.”

  
At Arthur’s name, Merlin paled slightly. He put down his half full plate and picked up his water. Will glared at Gwen. “I brought some gelato for dessert. Strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate. I wasn’t sure what you would want,” Gwen said nervously.

  
“I couldn’t possibly eat another bite,” Merlin protested. “It was all very good.”

  
Gwen glanced down at Merlin’s half filled plate, but refrained from saying anything.

  
“Well, I can,” Will said standing up. “Merls, do you want some tea?”

  
Merlin nodded. “Thank you,” he said. “And please tell Lance thank you as well.”

  
“You should come over for dinner,” Gwen said brightly. “Lance would love showing off to you and Will.”

  
Merlin laughed. “I don’t know, Will can eat anyone out of house and home.”

  
“I resent what you’re implying!” Will said sticking his head through the kitchen doorway.

  
“I’m not implying,” Merlin teased. He went to stand up, but Will walked over and took his plate then Gwen’s. “We would love to come over for dinner someday.”

  
“Wonderful!” Gwen smiled. “There is one thing that I need to speak with you about.” She pulled a folder out of her purse. “Arthur asked that I speak with you about something.” At Merlin’s alarmed expression, Gwen put her hands up. “It’s nothing bad. Please, just let me finish before you say anything.” She quickly opened the folder. “Uther had your mother moved to an assisted care facility in the city.”

  
Merlin sat up, visibly upset. “But…”

  
“It’s a lovely facility that’s has acres of gardens. The doctors and nurses there have a sterling reputation and it’s only a short walk from the Pickerington Tube line.” She pushed the brightly colored brochures to Merlin. “Normally, he would have waited for you to see the place before placing her there, but there was an opening and he thought it would be nice for you to have your mother close by.”

  
Merlin looked through the brochures quietly.

  
“Your mother has appointments with the best doctors in the country,” Gwen said quickly. “And she has a private room overlooking the gardens. You can visit her this evening if you would like. She moved there yesterday, so she would probably like a visit.”

  
“She was moved.” Merlin repeated slowly.

  
“Yes, Morgana and Leon met with her and helped her pack. She is perfectly fine, I visited her this morning, and she seems to be settling in just fine.”

  
“But how am I going to pay for all of this?” Merlin asked hopelessly as he let the brochure fall from his fingers.

  
Gwen turned some pages in the folder and pulled out a navy blue bank book. “Arthur has set up an account in your name with plenty of money to pay for her care with money left over to pay for other comforts,” she said handing Merlin the book. Will wandered in from the kitchen drying his hands on a towel. He picked up the book from Merlin’s hands and opened it. “The account is completely in your name. Only you have the power to take money out of it.”

  
Will whistled when he saw the account balance.

  
“Why?” Merlin asked, bewildered. “Why would he do this?”

  
“Because he’s a prat and he owes you for sending you to the hospital for three days,” Will snarked.

  
Merlin looked at Will suspiciously, but Will just shrugged him off. “Are there strings to this? Does he have to work for Arthur?”

  
Gwen shook her head. “No, although at a later date, I’d like to talk to him about a possible position at Pendragon Industries. I want to talk to both of you actually.”

  
“Merlin’s the smart one,” Will said dismissively.

  
“You did save Arthur’s life,” Gwen said softly.

  
Will looked at Gwen for a moment before shrugging.

  
“What? When did you save his life?” Merlin asked.

  
“Never mind,” Will said. He stood up and walked back into the kitchen.

  
“I don’t know what to say,” Merlin looked at the folder.

  
“You don’t have to say anything,” Gwen said gently. “Arthur wanted to do it.”

  
Will walked back into the room holding three mugs of tea. “Drink your tea,” he told Merlin. Merlin took hold of his mug. Will handed a mug to Gwen before sitting down on his chair. “It’s only a little after 6 now. We could drop by and see her tonight, if you want.”

  
Merlin set his tea down and stood up. “Yes, if you don’t mind. It’s been too long and she’s probably worried.” He quickly walked to his room.

  
Gwen stood up. “I should go,” she said taking along sip of her tea. She walked into the kitchen and found all her pots and pans cleaned.

  
“I certainly can’t pack everything away like you,” Will said from the doorway.

  
Gwen turned around and hugged Will quickly. “I’m so glad he’s had you,” she whispered suddenly. “On my worst days, I feared that he was alone.”

  
“Never,” Will answered.

  
Gwen let him go and started packing her things.

  
“What changed?” Will asked suddenly.

  
Gwen paused in her packing for a second. “Uther. After Ygraine died, Uther remembered. He’s determined to make up for everything he did wrong last time.”

  
“So it was his fault.”

  
Gwen started packing again. “No, it was all of our fault.”

  
“You can’t mean that. I remember you. You would have never let anyone hurt Merlin.”

  
Gwen flashed him a sad smile. “You’re wrong. I turned my back on him, just like everyone else when he needed us.”

  
“What happened?”

  
Gwen shook her head and picked up her packed bag. “Not here.” She pulled her card out of her pocket. “Call me. We’ll meet somewhere and talk.”

  
Will nodded.

  
“Merlin, I’m leaving!” Gwen called.

  
“Wait!” Merlin walked through the living room, putting on a tie. “Give me a few minutes and we’ll walk you to the tube.” He glanced at Will who rolled his eyes and went to put on his jacket.

  
“You should bring the flowers,” Will offered grabbing the plastic pitcher of flowers.

  
“Would you mind?” Merlin asked Gwen.

  
“Of course not!” Gwen laughed. Merlin took her bag from her and opened the front door. Gwen and Will shared a smile and followed him.

 

 

  
That night when Merlin’s screams woke him up, he sat up in bed shaking. Will wrapped his arms around him and rocked him gently. “I’m here, I’m here,” Will soothed. “It’s only a dream, it can’t hurt you.”

  
Merlin shook out of his arms and scrubbed his face. “I remember,” he said before walking out to the living room.

  
Will stared at the door frame and wondered what he could say.

 

 

  
“Gwen Du Lac.”

  
“Gwen, its Will.” Will cleared his throat.

  
“Will! It’s good…”

  
“He’s remembered.”

  
“Oh.” There was a long pause. “How much?”

  
“I don’t know. He won’t talk about it. Can you ask the others to give him some space? Especially Arthur?”

  
“Will, Arthur’s going to want to talk to him. To apologize. After Merlin was… After Merlin died time, Arthur was a wreck. He’s waited his whole life to apologize to him. You have to understand…”

  
“I do. Really. But not now. Merlin’s so quiet. I don’t know what’s going on in his head.”

  
“Does he know you remember?”

  
“Yea. I told you, Merlin’s smart. After he remembered he put together that all of the rest of you and me remember.”

  
“I’ll tell them to keep their distance for a little while,” Gwen promised. “But I can’t keep Arthur away forever. He… Will, Arthur was in love with Merlin last time and I think he is again.”

  
Will shut his eyes. “I think it was pretty obvious in Ealdor that Merlin was in love with him. I was hoping he got over it, before the end.”

  
“He never did. Look, can we talk?”

  
“I’m afraid to leave Merlin alone when he’s like this. Give me a couple of days and I’ll call you again.”

  
“Soon,” Gwen pressed. “It’s important.”

  
“I will. Good bye, Gwen.”

  
“Good bye. We’re here if you need anything.”

 

 

  
Merlin walked out of the tube station oblivious of the icy rain pelting him. He followed the sidewalks to the assisted living facility where his mother lived at without thinking. He was so tired. He had cancelled his office hours and just needed the comfort of his mother. Being with Will, knowing that he had known about his past the entire time and said nothing, just hurt too much. Merlin felt like a hollow shell of himself. Food tasted like rancid smoke, every time he closed his eyes, he could see and feel flames licking at his flesh.

  
Merlin walked into the facility, past the concerned looks of the nurses and care givers. He entered his mother’s room without registering the happy voices laughing. When he finally lifted his eyes from the ground, he caught sight of Arthur, frozen in the visitor’s chair. Hunith looked over and caught sight of her son. “Merlin, you’re…”

  
Merlin turned and ran out of the room, past the nurses, and out the door. When he was halfway down the block he felt some one grab him. He turned and saw Arthur clutching his arm. Suddenly the numbness evaporated away, leaving Merlin with a cold rage.

  
"Merlin, I-" Arthur struggled with what to say. No amount of fore thought could have prepared him for the present situation.

  
“You what, Arthur? You're sorry you let me burn? You're sorry you were so pathetically under your father's thumb? It doesn't matter anymore. We're in another lifetime- one where you can't hurt me any longer. Just leave me alone." Merlin shouted. He twisted his arm out of Arthur grasp and ran.

  
Arthur crumpled to the ground. He knelt on the cold, wet sidewalk for a few minute or a few hours, until he registered his phone ringing. Numbly he answered his phone.

  
“Arthur, where…”

  
“He hates me,” Arthur croaked. “Morgana, he hates me.”

 

  
“You can’t be here,” Will said stepping out of his apartment and shutting the door behind him. “He doesn’t want to see you.”

  
“We have to see him,” Gwen said her hands fluttering. Lance nodded behind her.

  
“Just a few minutes, mate,” Gwaine begged. “We just want to see that he’s okay.”

  
“Haven’t you done enough?” Will demanded. “He’s not sleeping, he’s not eating. He won’t even go see his mother. Why in the hell was Prince Prat there?”

  
“He admitted that he was visiting Merlin’s mother in the afternoons when Merlin was at school,” Lance said in a calm voice. “He didn’t know Merlin was going to cancel his office hours. He never meant for Merlin to catch him.”

  
“He should have left it alone!” Will shouted. “I told you to give him some space.”

  
“I know,” Gwen cried. “If I had known what Arthur was doing, I would have stopped him.”

  
“Has he told you about what happened?” Gwaine pressed.

  
“No, but he’s starting to talk about it.” Will crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Look, I’m going back inside. I don’t like to leave him alone anymore.”

  
“What about your job?” Gwen asked.

  
Will shrugged. “We’ll get by. I can’t… I’m not going to lose him to this. I’m not.”

  
“We’re his friends too, mate,” Gwaine answered. “We can be there for him. If you’ll let us.”

  
Will nodded. “I’ll think about it.” He walked back into his apartment, leaving Gwen, Lance, and Gwaine standing on his doorstep.

  
Will closed and locked the door. Merlin was still sitting in the living room wrapped up in his blanket. Will went into the kitchen and pulled out two beers from the fridge. He uncapped them as he walked into the living room. “Your friends are really worried about you,” he said putting a beer down in front of Merlin.

  
Merlin shook himself and focused. “I thought you were my friend.”

  
Will flashed a thin smile. “I am.” He took a long drink of his beer. “But I’m not the only one.”

  
“You told me to stay away from the Pendragons.” Merlin sighed. “I should have listened.”

  
“From what you told me about Uther, he’s different this time.”

  
“It doesn’t matter, how am I to trust that he’s not going to…” Merlin took a gulp of air.

  
“It was a different time,” Will said mildly. “Tell me what happened.”

  
Merlin huddled deeper into the blanket. “There was a sorcerer attacking Camelot. He was going to kill Arth…” Merlin cleared his throat. “I couldn’t let him hurt anyone else, so I used magic. We fought and I won. Half of Camelot was watching.”

  
“Then Uther predictably went nuts and had you executed.” Will finished for him after a long pause. Will took another long drink of his beer. “And none of your friends tried to help you.”

  
Merlin was silent for a long time. Will sighed and picked up the beer he put in front of Merlin and took a drink. “Gwen’s father had been killed trying to escape the dungeon after being accused of sorcery. Lance and Gwaine were new to Camelot, just visiting. Leon tried, I think. I remember him trying to talk to me, the night before. He brought me fresh water and a good meal. I remember him arguing with the men who were standing guard over me.”

  
Will sipped his drink and waited.

  
“I remember looking for Morgana… when they brought me out. She… she was not in her usual spot next to Uther.”

  
Merlin panted for air as he remembered. “It was cold,” he said in a dead voice, his eyes staring ahead to some invisible spot. “Two guards that I had always joked and laughed with dragged me up on the pyre and tied me to a pole. I remember the ropes were so tight that I couldn’t feel my fingers. They used seasoned wood, so there wasn’t very much smoke until the end. I remember the heat on my feet. It hurt so much for so long. I was crying so hard that I couldn’t breathe. I…” Merlin’s voice broke into a sob.

  
“Why didn’t you stop it?” Will asked finally. “I know you had the power. Why didn’t you use it?”

  
Merlin’s tear filled eyes slowly focused on Will. “I loved him so much,” Merlins’ voice cracked. “He was so… angry. But I loved him. And I was so sure he loved me back. I was so sure… he would stop it. That he would save me.” Merlin sobbed brokenly. “But he never did. I remember looking at him, and he was so angry. I remember the pain and the heat and how hard it was to breathe… and I remember realizing that he wasn’t going to... I was just his idiot servant.” Merlin curled up, crying.

  
Will went over and held Merlin.

 

  
Merlin tried to ignore the flash of panic that momentarily stole his voice as the president’s assistant opened the door to his classroom. He vaguely hoped that she would turn around once she saw him and go to a different classroom, but as he answered one of his student’s questions, she walked over to him.

  
“Merlin, the president needs to see you in his office, right now,” she whispered.

  
Merlin felt sick, already guessing who was in the president’s office waiting for him. He nodded to her and quickly dismissed his class. He gathered his books and stuffed them in his bag and followed her.

  
“Ah, Merlin,” President Trout flashed his bright white teeth at Merlin from behind his huge mahogany desk. “Thank you so much for joining us.”

  
Merlin saw Uther Pendragon coolly assessing him while sipping tea from the president’s fine tea service. “I trust I won’t be long. I have office hours in a half an hour and exams are coming up,” he said flatly refusing to acknowledge Uther.

  
Trout blinked at Merlin’s response. “Well, Merlin…”

  
“I won’t keep you long,” Uther said, cutting him off. He turned to Trout. “Thank you for bringing him to me. You may go.”

  
For a second Trout stared at Uther, his mouth opening and closing like a fish until he smiled uneasily. “Of course, Mr. Pendragon. If there is anything…”

  
“You can leave us,” Uther snapped.

  
Trout glanced at Merlin quickly before walking past him and going to the door.

  
“And shut the door behind you, President Trout,” Uther commanded.

  
Trout nodded quickly and shut the door behind him.

  
Merlin and Uther looked at each other. “Merlin, thank you for coming. I apologize for…”

  
“What do you want, Mr. Pendragon?”

  
“Uther. Please, call me Uther.”

  
“I would prefer not to call you anything,” Merlin said flatly. “I think I made it very clear to your son that I wanted nothing to do with him or any of you. I would appreciate if you would respect my wishes in this matter.”

  
Uther smiled thinly. “You never were so articulate before.”

  
“You had absolute power before. Now you don’t. It’s not like you can burn me alive this time, is it?”

  
Uther put his teacup down on the table next to him. “You’re right. I was responsible for your death. Your anger should be at me. Not Arthur.”

  
Merlin snorted in disbelief. “Do you do this to all the people you murdered? You must be very busy.”

  
“I don’t remember any of the others,” Uther admitted. “When I think back their names and faces are just a blur. But you… You are so very special Merlin. You’re the one who matters.”

  
“Do you really think I’m going to believe anything you say?”

  
“Merlin, whether or not you believe me, what I say is true. I have waited many years to meet up with you again.”

  
“Why? Why me?”

  
“After your death, I lost everything,” Uther said softly. “Within a week, Arthur started fading. He was dead before the first snow.”

  
“And you think I had something to do with that?” Merlin asked incredulously.

  
“You had everything to do with it,” Uther said in the same soft voice. “You are the heart and soul of my son. Without you he has nothing to live for.”

  
“I don’t really see how that’s my problem.”

  
“There was a time when I thought you returned his feelings.”

  
“That was a long time ago,” Merlin said hotly. “I’ve certainly learned my lesson.”

  
“Merlin, Arthur loves you.”

  
“Maybe he should have thought of that when I was being burnt alive!”

  
“Why are you so angry at him? Be angry at me. I was the one who ordered your death!”

  
“You were Uther Pendragon!” Merlin snapped. “There wasn’t a speck of mercy in you! Of course you ordered my death. You probably didn’t care that I had spent the last several years of my life protecting your son! There was only one person who could have changed your mind, and he chose to do nothing.”

  
“He regretted not stopping me before the ashes cooled. If I hadn’t rushed the order, he would have had more time to pull his thoughts together. As it was, he was hurt and confused… He…”

  
“He was hurt and confused!?! You burnt me alive at the stake! You can’t possibly expect me to look past that and befriend him now!” Merlin took a breath. “Oh, my god! You do! You really think I’m going to forgive him and what? Go back being his servant?”

  
“No, no, not his servant. Merlin, he loves you. He’s loved you back then, he’s loved you when he was a child, he’s loved you forever. Doesn’t the fact that we’re all back together now tell you that maybe this is your chance for happiness?”

  
Merlin opened and closed his mouth staring at Uther in disbelief. He closed his mouth and stood up straighter. “I am happy now. Without him.”

  
“Your nightmares say different.”

  
“My nightmares are caused by him.”

  
“Then give him a chance to end them. Please, just meet with him.”

  
“Given that I have a panic attack every time he’s anywhere near me, I think I’ll pass.”

  
“Merlin, please. A phone call. Just talk with him. Your panic attacks and nightmares could go away if you just listen to what he has to say. Please.” Uther pulled out a business card and held it out to Merlin. “Please. Just for a few minutes.”

  
“Why?”

  
“Because he loves you.”

  
“No, why do you want me to be friends with him so much?”

  
Uther stood up and placed the card on the president’s desk. “Because he’s my world and I don’t want to watch him wither away again.” He turned and looked at Merlin.

  
“I sincerely doubt he’ll wither away,” Merlin said, trying to hold on to his anger.

  
Uther flashed a sad smile. “He already is. Having you so close, yet not being able to be with you is hurting him very much. That’s why he visits your mother, to get closer to you.” Uther took a breath and studied Merlin. “Please. Don’t let my mistake keep you from your chance at happiness.”

  
Merlin turned away from Uther. Uther watched him for a few minutes more before walking out the door.

  
Merlin sat on the couch and stared at the small white card that was placed exactly two centimeters away from the brand new cell phone that he had bought that day. He had been sitting there since Will had left to go to work over two hours ago.

  
Will and Merlin had talked about this. Well, Will had talked. Talked until his voice was hoarse and then some. For the two whole weeks since Uther’s visit at the University Will talked. Your nightmares are worse, Will argued. You need closure. This isn’t about him, it’s about you getting some peace.

  
Can’t you remember anything good about him?

  
Merlin looked out the window. The tattered white sheers the old lady had hung up across the way were ghost-like against the darkness.

  
The problem wasn’t that Merlin couldn’t remember anything good about Arthur. No, since he had Remembered, he would have little flashbacks of conversations he and Arthur shared. Jokes and nudges. Smiles and gestures. Little things that made him smile before he remembered how it all ended. Sometimes at school or on the street, Merlin would catch sight of shining blond hair and his heart would hurt, but not always in a bad way. Sometimes Merlin could catch himself wanting to share something he had seen or read with Arthur. It made him catch his breath, but again, not in a bad way.

  
A light in the building next door turned on, a shock of color in the night.

  
Call him, Will urged. You can’t keep living like this.

  
But I don’t want to lose you, Merlin always thought but never said. Since he Remembered, the fear of losing Will was almost paralyzing.

  
You are just one side of a coin, Kilgharrah once said to him all that time ago. You are his destiny and he is yours.

  
You are the heart and soul of my son, Uther said. Without you he has nothing to live for.

  
The light across the way turn off, leaving just the ghostly curtains to break up the bleak darkness.

  
Don’t you deserve to be happy? Will asked. Talk with him! Get everything out of your system, then move on. Don’t let him ruin this life.

  
Merlin picked up the phone and dialed the number that he memorized from staring at the card for so long. He connected the call before he could stop himself. He waited for his heart to race or for cold sweat to roll down his back, but he felt nothing.

  
Nothing but the tiniest bit of hope. Like the white sheers across the way.

  
“Arthur Pendragon.”

  
Merlin felt his whole body relax. Maybe things would be okay.


End file.
